cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
