just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
