idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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