Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
