I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm too high and old for this...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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