Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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