i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
