WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
