i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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