I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
