I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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