a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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