I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You made out with two different species that night
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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