Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
