pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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