remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize