You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
