If that was your dad, he is hot
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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