We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
