Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
