I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
