he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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