I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
