are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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