I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
