Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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