Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Success! We fucked roommates!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
