Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
