have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
