franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
