people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
