hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
