i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
