Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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