3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
