you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
