I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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