Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Holy shit dude........stairs
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
