I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
