nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
