Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
