I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
