fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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