I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
