On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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