i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
