Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
