god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
