Her vagina should come with caution tape.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize