Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just cropdusted the office
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
