you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We need to get me chipped asap
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
