I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
