I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
