seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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