Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
