I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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