The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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