I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
What a dumb baby whore.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
