I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
