I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
