I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
