i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
