I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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