Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize