She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
